Coatlicue State

An addiction (a repetitious act) is a ritual to help one through a trying time; its repetition safeguards the passage, it becomes one's talisman, one's touchstone. If it sticks around after having outlived its usefulness, we become "stuck" in it and it takes possession of us. But we need to be arrested. Some past experience or condition has created this need. This stopping is a survival mechanism, but one which must vanish when it's no longer needed if growth is to occur.

We need Coatlicue to slow us up so that the psyche can assimilate previous experiences and process the changes. If we don't take the time, she'll lay us low with an illness, forcing us to "rest." Come, little green snake. Let the wound caused by the serpent be cured by the serpent. The soul uses everything to further its own making. Those activities or Coatlicue states which disrupt the smooth flow (complacency) of life are exactly what propel the soul to do its work: make soul, increase consciousness of itself. Our greatest disappointments and painful experiences--if we can make meaning out of them--can lead us toward becoming more of who we are. Or they can remain meaningless. The Coatlicue state can be a way station or it can be a way of life.

--Gloria Anzaldua Borderlands/La Frontera: The New Mestiza, 2nd ed., 68

Just yesterday in class I paraphrased this quote to my students in the attempt to make the point that in all our trying to keep things seemingly under control and maintain a "smooth flow of life" in the midst of growing craziness, sooner or later there would be a breaking point that would stop us, make us "rest." In ideal situations, we come of out these rest periods better off, having grown from the experience. In less ideal situations, we become "stuck," mired in an addiction/ritual that serves us only in keeping us from growth.

Little did I know yesterday that this lesson was primarily for me.

I was gently reminded, however, this afternoon. Though attempting to act in accordance with a smooth flow of life, I was undoubtedly repeating ritual, obsessive behaviors which may have served me in the past, but no longer do so, and found myself eye to eye with the snake.

Well, Coatlicue certainly slowed me up enough these last three hours to get my attention. When I carried my ritual, obsessive behaviors outside, Coatlicue found her way to lock me out of the house. Though initially I did the opposite of rest, rest came upon me eventually. Now that I've come out of the experience on the other side (or rather, to the inside, finally) I'm reminded of Anzaldua's words above.

Let us hope that I've grown and become more conscious...