Don’t be afraid of the truth. Be afraid of the lies

“Don’t be afraid of the truth. Be afraid of the lies.” (Feinberg Drag King Dreams 59)

I really should be glad that my parents have been truthful with me, even if a little late in the telling—my dad found a lump in his neck a month or so ago, and it turns out it’s cancerous. He had a PET scan last Saturday, but initial results weren’t clear, and last I heard he’s still waiting for the radiologist’s report. Yesterday he underwent his first session of chemotherapy—one down with fifteen to go.

I think when the family heard, we all worried that it might be lung cancer. Even though dad quit smoking years ago (after he had trouble breathing), we all know that that doesn’t negate all those decades (three at least) he did smoke. I’ve been smoke free (again) since May 16, and hopefully this will be the time I quit that’s the last. Not just because of my dad, but because I really want to take better care of myself, physically, spiritually, emotionally, mentally, etc…

I guess that’s why I’m posting here about my dad. I don’t quite know who else to talk to about it, but it’s definitely been on my mind a lot on this vacation. It’s probably because I’ve spent so much time with the ‘rents, and because we’ve had to coordinate our schedules around doctor’s appointments in order to share the car.

I can’t really remember my dad ever being sick. Even when he had that trouble breathing that eventually led him to quit smoking, I never saw it physically affect him. For the most part, he still has seemed his usually physically active self. Well, except for yesterday after his first chemo treatment, and today. Last night he was really tired, and today he seemed really listless—he was curled up in bed at noon—something I don’t think I’ve ever seen before. It was really scary. It is really scary.

I know my parents are mortal, but I can’t begin to imagine what it might be like if I lost one or both of them. I know I’ll have to face it sooner or later, but I pray that it’s later rather than sooner. In the meantime, I hope that I remember to cherish the moments we have now.