Cross-dresser or Bald, Tattooed, Boi-freak?

I got the word about a month ago that a best friend of mine from high school is going to be married in May, and wanted me in the wedding. (It was super cute…we had unsuccessfully played phone tag, and so she decided to send me a Hallmark e-card asking me to participate in the wedding, saying that she’d always imagined me as part of it. I was touched and honored, and without hesitation agreed.)

When we finally spoke on the phone, she went on about how happy she was that I was willing, and furthermore went out of her way to make clear to me that I was to be in the wedding party as is—in all my short, shaved-head, tattooed, round, brown body’s glory. (I’ll likely be the only queer and POC there.)

Last Sunday, we finally made the time to catch up in person, and did a little wedding shopping. We made our way to her nearby David’s Bridal to search out the various dresses for bridal party members. Once again, she was very clear that she didn’t expect me to wear a dress, but rather that all she cared about was that I wear something I felt comfortable in—perhaps she suggested, a top in the same color as the other bridesmaids dresses, and then some black slacks. Moreover, her fiancé said that if I wanted a tuxedo, I’d just have to let him know so that it could be reserved, and I could be fitted.

I could tell she was a bit nervous. I was nervous, too. It was a Sunday afternoon, and there were lots of fellow shoppers in the store, and none looked like genderqueer me. Her other friend that we were with, the maid of honor, said it reminded her of prom dress shopping. Never having been to prom, I didn’t quite understand, but I got her point that it was a harrowing experience.

It was a little crazy, and very tiring searching rack after rack for particular sizes of particular styles of dresses to try on. What a workout! But, it was also a little fun I’d have to admit, playing dress-up. Actually, my friend was really shocked when of my own volition I tried on one of the dresses. She definitely didn’t expect that—which is exactly one of the reasons it appeals to me.

Frankly, I don’t care what I wear to the wedding. On one hand, I’m just glad that I don’t have to come up with something all on my own. On the other hand, it’s her wedding, and what important to me is that I’m there for her.

So, will I wear a dress? Chances point that way.

A couple of friends think I should eschew the dress and go for the tux. I could easily do so, but in a way, it feels almost too easy to do so.

Really, whether I show up in a tuxedo as a cross-dresser, or in a dress that shows off my bald, tattooed brown body in the midst of a lily white sea, I know I’ll feel safe and at home because I’ll be standing with friends.

Friends are powerful stuff!