Boys and Being Tight (Brotherhood pt. 2)

A couple of months ago I spent the night chillin' at a gay male bar with a couple of friends, and we had a blast. It wasn’t so much that there was anything out of the ordinary happening, in fact, it was a pretty low key night; we had a couple of drinks and talked. The bar was filling with a good sized crowd making for a festive atmosphere, but that night we were more interested in being in a space among a crowd of men than we were in meeting any one or two men in particular. It was about spending time with the boys…

The next day one friend emailed me to say how much fun he had on our outing, and how good it had felt to be among other men.

In that seemingly innocuous phrase, “Other men,” he simultaneously asserted both his and my status as men. Monumental for us both, having been born female-bodied.

I read and re-read that email several times that morning, relishing in the feeling of being recognized, appreciated, and celebrated. We were celebrating, ourselves and each other, finding community and comfort in our expressions of our gender identities.

In the months since that excursion, we’ve had other comparable outings. Each time, I’ve felt the excitement of anticipation, as well as the peacefulness of satisfaction.

Just the other night we got together for dinner and drinks. Over dinner we were talking about S. Bear Bergman’s book, Butch is a Noun, which I had given him a copy of. I gave it to him with the caveat that it wasn’t because I thought he was butch (which he very clearly does not identify with), but because I thought he would enjoy Bergman’s depiction of gender, and because I was particularly captivated by Bergman’s descriptions of brotherhood.

This man is the brother I never had, and if it weren’t for the unspoken boundaries of masculinity and manhood that we’re both negotiating anew in our lives, I’d tell him just that. In the mean time, he’s referenced how tight we are in passing conversation, and I couldn’t be happier about it.

I have brothers by birth with whom I share blood ties, but my chosen brothers and I share something thicker than blood—our fears, dreams, and souls.