Back From the Beach, pt. 2

I’ll take a sunrise over a sunset any day—and the first “birthday gifts” I enjoyed were seeing TWO sunrises over the Atlantic Ocean on my recent trip to Rehoboth.

Now, don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I dislike sunsets. Being a California kid, I’ve seen some amazing sunsets over the Pacific Ocean, but dawn is another kind of experience all together. I love mornings—the quiet, the stillness, the bite of the air, the room to breathe, feeling myself grow in the potential of the day…

Even better, I was able to share both of these sunrises with friends, one respectively each morning (and a third morning I spent on the beach solo). I wouldn’t exactly call either of them morning people (as I call myself), but they were so moved by my excitement to watch the sunrise that they wanted to join me.

I was glad for the company. The experience was even better than I could have hoped for.

The first morning, as the sun broke through the marine cloud layer, it shone a brilliant yellow gold. Watching its reflection as it rose over the water was just breathtaking. I was mesmerized. Like my most memorable sunrises thus far, I felt the moment filling me up, making me bigger somehow. In this particular instance, I felt a surge of courage that helped me to finally come out as a transman to my friend.

Judging by her reaction, it almost seemed a non-event. That is, she didn’t freak out, there was no drama; she just quietly took it in. In fact, she wondered why I was worried about coming out to her. I don’t know that I exactly said “worried,” but I definitely did say that I wasn’t sure what things would and would not change in our friendship after she knew. I had all kinds of thoughts on this (but that’s a whole other post). It hasn’t even been a week since, so I’m still waiting to see the shape of things.

It was really nice, though, last night we went out dancing and she introduced me to someone using my chosen name (it was the first time ever I had even heard her use it in any context). Another gift I’m thankful for.

The second morning, the marine cloud layer didn’t dissipate as quickly, and when the sun broke through it was a bright pink that colored the sky with pastels. It reminded my friend and me of Bob Ross http://www.bobross.com which got us to chatting easily about our lives. She took the initiative to ask how I was doing transitioning, and we had a long discussion over our morning coffee about all kinds of transition-related things (again, a whole other post). Yet another thing to be grateful for.

And believe me, I am grateful for so much.

I used to like mornings because dawn meant that I had made it through the night. That’s quite different kind of uplift that what I’ve written about above, but I wanted to acknowledge that feeling, too. A song that spoke to me at that time was the Cowboy Junkies’ “New Dawn Coming.”

Cowboy Junkies
"New Dawn Coming"

Hold on honey, there's a new dawn coming
and a big bird to sweep you away

Are you born yet? Are you listening?
Are you sick of staring at the walls?

Are you hungry? Are you angry?
Are you wondering if there's anyone at all?

Hold on honey there's a new dawn coming
and a big bird to sweep you away
Keep on dreaming soon there'll be a reason
to see it through one more day

Are you weary? Are you sinking?
Are you tired of holding up the walls?

Are you done with all your thinking?
Have you found that there's no one at all?

Hold on honey there's a new dawn coming
and a big bird to sweep you away
Keep on dreaming soon there'll be a reason
to see it through one more day

Ain't got no answers here
What I see is not clear
Time to shake it around
Turn my world upside down
and watch as the stars come unhinged

Hold on honey there's a new dawn coming
and a big bird to sweep you away
Keep on dreaming soon there'll be a reason
to see it through one more day

Hold on honey there's a new dawn coming
and a big bird to sweep us away
Keep on dreaming soon there'll be a reason
to see it through one more day

Are you born yet?
Are you born yet?