To the Love of Family

Whether we are men, women, or in between, we are always engaged in a social process of being accepted by others as well as ourselves. We [end page 120] form cultural agreements about what is recognizable and acceptable as masculine, feminine, and androgynous, we decide where our comfort zone is for ourselves, and then we form friendships with people who accept us for who we are and with whom we enjoy spending our time.
(Jamison Green, Becoming a Visible Man 120-121)

Because no one is an island (although many of us try to be) the society we live in, the company we keep, does have much significance in our lives. It’s true, we are all a part of “society,” and yet, at the same time “society” encompasses such a wide realm that those of us who find themselves on the outside of “mainstream society” often have to remind ourselves of the power and immense potential we have.

I’m one of the lucky queers who wasn’t ostracized by family when I came out to them...and yet I still haven’t come out to them as trans. I have no reason to suspect that they’d be anything but accepting, even if in that silent Asian way, but still the fear wins out.

I look to other transpeople I know and their family’s reactions and am emboldened.

I have no doubt that my parents love me, and that what they want is that I am happy, healthy, and safe. They, like a lot of immigrant parents, have sacrificed so much in the hopes that I will have more opportunities available to me, and ultimately a better life (than they had/have available to them?). They continue to lead their lives in this way that thinks always of the next (and even the one after that) generation. For some this might seem like a lot, but my parents always made it seem like the minimum they could/should do as parents. Like I said, I’m one of the lucky ones.

But family isn’t only about who raised us and cared for us.

Along with so many other queers, I have had the fortune to form chosen families. Just as Jamison Green’s quotation above states, “we form friendships with people who accept us for who we are and with whom we enjoy spending our time.” These friendships have been so important to me throughout my life; I only wish that all those who I have counted among these friends know the positive impact they’ve had on me.

Many of these friends continue to be important in my life today, and some I love as family. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them without a second thought. What I hope they know is that that attitude is as much about me loving them as it is about me honoring their love for me.

Thank you.