Asian & Pacific Islander Family Pride (reporting back from NGLTF's Creating Change, part 1)

While I've been posting, I haven't yet sat down to post at any length about my experiences attending my first Creating Change conference this past November in Oakland, CA. It's about time, for what I hope will the first post among many reporting back from Creating Change.

I've just spent the morning watching two films that I got for free, on DVD, from the Asian & Pacific Islander Pride workshop session that I attended. From the DVD credits:

Asian & Pacific Islander Family Pride's mission is to end the isolation of A & PI families with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender members through support, education and dialogue. Our vision is the recognition and acceptance among A & PI families of the sexual and gender diversity within our cultures.

http://www.apifamilypride.org
info@apifamilypride.org
P.O. Box 473
Fremont, CA 94537
510-818-0887

Film 1, Coming Out, Coming Home: Asian Pacific Islander Queer Families' Stories: The families of lesbian, gay, transgender and bisexual Asians and Pacific Islanders describe their efforts to find support, overcome homophobia and transphobia, and to improve their family relationships. Dir. Hima B. Closed captioned. Running time: 44 minutes.

Hima B. is an independent director/producer whose work has been shown internationally and nationally. An Indian-American femme-dyke, her work includes documentaries, Straight for the Money, shown at the 1995 Whitney Biennial and Coming Out, Coming Home. Through her independent communication company, Himaphiliac Productions, she creates documentaries, narratives, and experimental work that explore the intersections of race, gender, sexuality, and economics, especially as it relates to queer women.

Film 2, There is No Name For This: explores the joys and difficulties of coming out across cultural and language barriers among Chinese and Chinese-American lesbians, gays and bisexuals. The first video to examine the lack of vocabulary to explain issues of identity in Chinese languages, There is No Name For This introduces 21 individuals in various stages of coming out and how their family and friends have responded to them. Dir. Ming-Yuen S. Ma, Cianna P. Stewart and Jessica Yu. Running time: 49 minutes. Prod. Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center.

A&PI Wellness Center educates, supports, empowers, and advocates for A&PI communities, particularly A&PIs living with or at-risk for HIV/AIDS. Founded in 1987 as a grassroots response to the HIV/AIDS crisis in communities of color, it is the oldest nonprofit organization in North America focusing on A&PI communities around sexual health and HIV/AIDS services.

http://www.apiwellness.org
730 Polk St., 4th Floor
San Francisco, CA 94109
Tel: 415-292-3400
TTY: 415-292-3410



First I have to say just how awesome it is to have been able to get this DVD for free, and to take home with me. I even picked up a couple of extra copies, and I'm going to find out how to get my school's Non-Print Media Library to add it to their collection so that it will be available to others. Then I'm going to advertise it with (at least) the core and affiliate faculty in Asian American Studies and LGBT Studies.

I can't say enough how much I enjoyed the workshop session that API Family Pride put on. Never mind the huge spread of food they provided, and all the literature they had available (a souvenir copy of their Family Honor Roll which celebrates individual API families who support their LGBT children/relatives/friends in spite of the prejudice they encounter, and a copy of "Beloved Daughter" 3rd ed. in Chinese and English which is a collection of letters from parents about their experiences accepting and understanding their lesbian/bisexual daughters), the accepting, loving, nourishing, open environment they created was just what I needed that particular night (it was a 6pm Friday night workshop).

It was amazing to hear parents talk about their love and acceptance of their queer API children, and to see their acceptance played out through the existence and programming efforts of API Family Pride. Even though we didn't all share the same stories of celebration when it came to our families and their acceptance (or lack thereof) of our queerness, it was inspiring to see that others did have that acceptance. I left feeling hopeful that we could all move towards just that.

One participant raised a question about how to deal with it when parents know about their child's queerness, but where the child then seems to become the "hidden" child, not often talked about with friends and relatives. Even though there does seem to be some acceptance, there is also a silence.

I realized I have similar dynamics with my own parents. I very clearly came out to them in a letter, and they very clearly let me know that they still love me in a reply letter. Over the years I have brought lovers home, and have been open about living with lovers. Yet there is still so much that's never been said, face-to-face (um...for instance I've brought lovers home and lived with lovers without ever being explicit with my parents that that was our relationship).

I think I don't give my parents enough credit--for the love and acceptance that they've always shown me. I know that the silence between us is due in large part to me. No, I no longer avoid talking to my parents or going home to visit them like I did for several years before I came out to them, but I am still withholding all of myself from them. I'm the one who feels embarrassed that I keep bringing different lovers home, thinking and acting each time that this is the ONE. I'm the one who doesn't want to talk about another lover, or bring another lover home until I know we're going to be together forever. I'm the one who tells them only about what I'm doing in school, and then illogically fears that they only care about how I'm doing in school.

I don't know that I know exactly what to do/say to start to change things, but it is very comforting to have had this opportunity to see that I am holding myself back in so many ways. I look forward to the potential of what I now realize my relationship with my parents could be, when I remember to keep out of my own way.

(Unfortunately) More Proof I Lack in the Humor Department

The other day, I was randomly surfing blogs and came across one titled "Yellow Gal" at http://yellowgal.blogspot.com/

Since having moved to the DC area from heavily Asian-populated California locations, I've felt more and more that as a Filipino I get overlooked in discussions of race (because they so centrally revolve around black/white racial dynamics), and that I am less and less recognized as a person of color (because not black=white).

In reaction to this, I have taken to more adamantly proclaiming my Filipino identity, in my everyday life, as well as in my academic pursuits. When I saw "Yellow Gal," Vickie Nam's anthology YELL-Oh Girls!: Emerging Voices Explore Culture, Identity, and Growing Up Asian American and Frank H. Wu's Yellow: Race in America Beyond Black and White immediately came to mind. While Yellow Gal's blog mentioned neither of these texts, I still felt a sense of connection and camaraderie. I even went so far as to post a comment in response to her post about persimmons.

After submitting my comment I continued to surf her previous posts, and saw one entitled "10 Reasons Why Gay Marriage is Wrong." Immediately, my heart fell and I got sad, cursing myself for having felt connected to someone who would put out what I perceived as a homophobic, heterosexist post.

Resigned, I clicked on the link to read the post. To my joyous surprise, it was a satirical (re-)posting that served to show the ridiculousness of such reasons. Just another example of how I lack in the humor department.

Apparently, I need to better remember the Indigo Girls' song, "Closer to Fine": "The best thing you've ever done for me/ Is to help me take my life less seriously"

---------------------------------
(At the end of this post Yellow Girl says, "Re-post this if you believe love makes a marriage." I don't agree that "love makes a marriage"--it's too much to go into that right now, another post, another day, perhaps--but I'm reposting the list anyway.)

(A post from the "best of craigslist")

01) Being gay is not natural. Real Americans always reject unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

02) Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

03) Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

04) Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

05) Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed; the sanctity of Britany Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

06) Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

07) Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

08) Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

09) Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10) Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Lemony Snicket on Trust

"Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree, because you might get a wonderful view from the highest branch, or you might simply get covered in sap, and for this reason many people choose to spend their time alone and indoors, where it is harder to get a splinter."

From The Penultimate Peril p.14-15

Ahhh...finally some peace and quiet

Okay, so I love my part-time/second job at Starbucks. Next week will mark my 3 1/2 year anniversary, which you'll have to admit is pretty damn good for a food service job. But still, it's nice to finally be home and get some peace and quiet.

I made sooooo many drinks this morning, my arm feels like it weighs a ton. Oh well, at least the bright side of that is that it keeps my arm looking toned...
well, at least more so than it would look otherwise.

Until I Find You

On my recent travels back from Oakland, CA and NGLTF's annual Creating Change conference I finished reading John Irving's latest book,Until I Find You.


I can't say enough how *much* I enjoy Irving's books. Until I Find You may even be my favorite of them all. There's something about Irving's main characters that always sucks me in...their quirks, awkwardness, and headstrong dedication and determination are ever endearing to me. I flatter myself by seeing some of myself in them.

To be sure, this novel isn't for the weak of heart or those tending towards prudishness. I started my love of Irving with his World According to Garp, and fell deeper after The 158-Pound Marriage, and find this latest work to follow nicely in this trajectory. If you've only known Irving through A Prayer For Owen Meany or Cider House Rules, then this might not be your cup of tea. And certainly, if this is your first reading ever of Irving, it will definitely be a challenging one.

I mean, if you want to make it through this book, you'll need to keep an open mind when faced with issues of children's sexual agency (or the lack thereof), single-motherhood, non-traditional friendships and love relationships (including, but not limited to intergenerational relationships), the fallibility of memory, prostitution, pornography, tattoo culture, transvestitism, and lesbianism. Not everyone can be so open-minded (unfortunately).

But, for those up to the challenge, I think Until I Find You pushes us to consider in meaningful ways the borders and boundaries we construct around love. In typical Irving fashion, in the end, this novel is one about human connection, and the absolute preciousness of it.

When I'm feeling more up to it, I'll write about Creating Change.

(Always) Too little time

There's so much I want to write about, but so little time (right now and ever) to do so. But, I still want to try. I've put these images here as place holders, something that I can come back to and comment on.


In the attempt to actually enjoy some of the perks of living in such close proximity to Washington DC, I decided that this year I wouldn't just look through the Reel Affirmations film festival program schedule, but that I would make it out to as many films as I could. I think I ended up sitting through 11 hours of films over four days.

Let me start by saying that I admire any queer filmmaker, and that I'm thankful that there are folks out there working on so many different projects that cover so many different aspects of our queer communities. One feature-length film that I do have to rave about here, though, is Lisset Barcellos' Both.

From Reel Affirmations's website:
Charismatic and beautiful, Rebecca Duarte seems to have it all—an exciting job as a stuntwoman, good friends, and both male and female lovers. However, she has always felt uneasy in her own skin, frustrated with her body and her sexual relationships. When a photo album arrives from Peru full of pictures of her parents and her deceased baby brother, Rebecca attempts to unravel her past and confront her true identity. Her exploration leads her to challenge how she perceives sexuality, gender, and family. Based on the experiences of the filmmaker, this raw, groundbreaking drama confronts bisexuality, gender identity and intersex issues head-on like no movie before. Dir. Lisset Barcellos, 2005, US/Peru, video, 86 minutes. Predominantly in English, but contains some sections of Spanish with English subtitles.

This film touched me on so many emotional and intellectual levels. There wasn't one thing about it I didn't like. As a non-intersex person who teaches about intersex issues, I thought the film did a good job of making crucial points in a cinematic, narrative way without being didactic or orientalistic. As a person who grew up in a bilingual household, the use/mix of English and Spanish, especially between generations, added to the emotional intensity of important scenes. And as a film festival movie-goer, it reminded me of the importance of independent arts.




One thing I did love about being out east was watching the leaves change colors. Having grown up in California, I didn't have a sense of seasons until I moved to Virginia. I used to love those moments, riding metro, when we'd be above ground, making our way past groves of trees, with their leaves of red, yellow, and orange. I used to pick out a favorite tree, whose bright and brilliant colors fed my evergreen eyes. This year though, I went away to Winnipeg, Manitoba Canada for the International Drag King Extravaganza (IDKE.7) and when I returned, the leaves had gone from green on the trees to garbage on the streets, wet and without shine. I tried, still, to find a leaf I could like...but it certianly wasn't like past autumns.




Ahh...this Gay Asian sticker I picked up at NGLTF's Creating Change conference. More on that in a later, separte post (hopefully).



Lastly, but not least, this Pot of Gold came from one of my former Women's Studies students. She was so sweet to leave it, and a nice note in my departmental mailbox, just when I was needed a little reminder of how much I love teaching.

Art-filled evening: Faith Ringgold & Renee Cox

I finally got around to seeing the Faith Ringgold exhibit that's currently being hosted at my university this evening. It was a good reminder of how much I love art, especially paintings. I love to see the layers of paint, the traces of the brushes' movements, and just the life brought out in something two dimensional through the use of color. For more on Rinngold, check
http://www.faithringgold.com/

Before getting to make my way through the exhibit, however, I attended a lecture by Renee Cox. One thing about Cox's work that I find particularly intriguing is her use of herself in the majority of her photography. She was a hoot as a lecturer, a real fiery person.

What I loved about both Ringgold and Cox was their absolute conviction in the politics of their art. That is, their investment that their work SAY something important about the world we live in, and make people THINK about their surroundings.

I think I've been spending too much time with so-called artists whose main goals were to entertain and appease audiences, not make statements, and certainly not offend them or make them uncomfortable. Thank goodness for the reminder that these aren't the only kinds of artists out there.

Another reason I want to be back out west

I was so exasperated yesterday that I have to vent about this before I can let it go. I was in the mood for a fruit smoothie, but on my commute home through two states and the district of columbia, I didn't pass one visible, conveniently located, smoothie place.

Thank goodness I'll be back in CA next week for NGLTF's Creating Change conference http://www.ngltf.org This is my first CC, and I'm really excited, especially because of their APA track this year. Getting to have a fruit smoothie will be the icing on the cake to getting to conference with a bunch of activist queer folk.