Sharing is Caring

Despite the amount of clothing that I’ve collected from exes over the years, it’s never really been the case that I’ve actually shared the clothing with them. Really, it was more like they had clothing that they were going to get rid of that I thought was still perfectly acceptable and wearable, and I “rescued” said clothing.

I’m a total pack rat like that…(complete with a drawer at home for “to go” packets of ketchup and soy sauce, and of course the extra napkins one so often acquires from eating establishments everywhere).

Saving does have it’s merits (especially when it comes to saving money), but it certainly isn’t the same as sharing.

Recently, I’ve been thinking about how generous my friends are, and all that they’ve shared with me…

I thought that the least I could do was to give their shares more life here, and do some of my own.

Funny thing, sitting here trying to organize my thoughts, three clear categories of shares comes to mind: food, books, and music. I guess it shouldn’t be so surprising considering that these are central things in many friendships/relationships.

Food
Weekend Brunch Spots: Busboys & Poets (14th & V Sts., NW DC), Luna (17th & P Sts., NW DC), Polly’s Café (U St. btw 13th & 14th Sts., NW DC)

Coffeehouses suitable for studying: Busboys & Poets (14th & V Sts., NW), Mayorga Coffee and Roasters (Silver Spring, MD), Modern Times Café at Politics and Prose (5015 Connecticut Ave., NW DC), Mocha Hut (U St. btw 12th & 13th Sts. NW DC)

Vegetarian Friendly Dining: Mandalay Restaurant (Burmese cuisine, 930 Bonifant St. Silver Spring, MD), Jyoti Indian Restaurant (Connecticut & 24th Sts., NW DC), Java Green (M & 19th Sts., NW DC), Luna (17th & P Sts., NW DC), Pho Hot (Rte. 7, VA)

Books
Everyone Worth Knowing by Lauren Weisberger
Glass Castle by Jeannette Walls
Boy Meets Boy by David Levithan
Empress of the World by Sara Ryan
The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky
I Am Not Myself These Days by Josh Kilmer-Purcell

Music
Carbon Leaf
The Killers
Edie Carey
Melissa Ferrick
Modest Mouse
Keane
Jack Johnson
Adrianne
Julie Loyd
Laura Tsgarris
http://www.pandora.com

Okay, so most of these things are things that were shared with me, that I then shared with others…but that counts, too, doesn’t it?

Some shares of my own:

Brianna Lane (music)
Kinky Boots (movie)
Big Eden (movie)
Realm of Possibility by David Levithan
Trace Elements of Random Tea Parties by Felicia Luna Lemus
44 Scotland Street by Alexander McCall Smith
Thai Peppers (Mount Vernon Avenue in Del Ray, Alexandria, VA)

Looking forward to more!

Illusion of Anonymity, or Blogging as Release

(originally written 20 March 2007, 6:00pm EST)

I’m sitting here relaxing in a fabulous bookstore/coffee shop, Politics & Prose, enjoying a pot of Earl Grey tea (yes, I’m still going strong on abstaining from coffee for the Lenten season) and reading tidbits of today’s Washington Post that was left behind by some patron before me.

Found in the Health section, in her article, “Doctors Dish on Their Patients in Anonymous Blogs,” Margarita Bauza debates the ethical concerns about medical doctors blogging about their patients. To be sure, there are issues of doctor-patient confidentiality at play here; doctors need to maintain patients’ confidentiality in order to promote an open and trusting environment that engenders patients’ trust and full disclosure.

On more material levels, doctors need to comply with HIPAA, or possibly face reprimand from their employers (because the possibility of being sued always attracts attention here in the U.S.), and losing their license.

But there’s more than just that at stake here, too.

Don’t get me wrong, I think that confidentiality is of utmost importance. I also think that doctors need to better be trained to honor patients’ disclosures (the countless examples of lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, transsexual, intersex, and queer people who have disclosed to doctors only to face discrimination and substandard care because of their disclosures attest to this).

But doctors are people, too. And, what strikes me in Bauza’s article is that these anonymous medical bloggers (to whom I’d say beware, for it’s simply an illusion of anonymity!!!) are making plain their need for an outlet. Am I condoning blogging as the proper outlet? No, not necessarily. But, as a blogging teacher, I do know the value of venting and reflecting upon classes (and yes, even sometimes students) in blogs. Would I feel the same need to do such blogging given a real-life community that I might share those same thoughts with? I don’t think so, at least not to the same degree.

Bauza’s article is quick to point out the problems and potential dangers (ethical and financial) of blogging doctors, but other than blaming the doctors, the article doesn’t seem to get at underlying issues. Let us not just chastise doctors for postings which may be inappropriate, but rather let us offer them more proper channels for release so that they might better take care of their psyches, and in so doing be better able to take care of their patients.

Let’s shake up the whole system, and get at the root causes. Maybe then real change can be brought about, in this particular example, but other cases as well.

World Water Day 2007

World Water Day is an international day of observance and action to draw attention to the plight of the more than 1 billion people world wide that lack access to clean, safe drinking water. Celebrated since 1993, World Water Day was designated in 1992 when the United Nations (UN) General Assembly passed a resolution. With each passing year, the observance has grown larger and stronger.

In many ways though, World Water Day is still a relatively unknown event. Even with the support of the UN and efforts by leading non-governmental organizations (NGOs) and committed individuals, World Water Day is today at a similar stage as Earth Day was in the early 1970’s – important but relatively unknown.

Beginning in 2005 this began to change. Ethos Water and leading NGOs began an effort to bring even greater attention to the world water crisis on World Water Day. Then in 2006 with the strong backing of the Starbucks Coffee Company and other leading corporate and non-profit allies, we began a major effort to establish March 22 as a day where everyone, regardless of their involvement in water issues, pauses to reflect on the impact of the world water crisis and takes small but meaningful ACTION to make a difference.

It gets really tiring hearing people criticize Starbucks, particularly when as an employee I have so much I like about the company and what it does for its employees, and what it does to take serious corporate social responsibility.
(Maybe more on this later...)

In the mean time, I wanted to spread that this Thursday March 22 is Washington D.C.'s World Water Day Walk--a Starbucks supported event.

Queer Theory, Gender Theory--Riki Wilchins

In her third book, Queer Theory, Gender Theory: An Instant Primer, Riki Wilchins ventures from writing an autobiography (Read My Lips) and editing an anthology )GenderQueer) to writing theory explicitly. In particular, she seeks to take theory out of its current limited circulation among "academics and graduate students" (1) and reinvigorate its political center and make it accessible to activists.

Wilchins begins by giving brief histories of civil rights movements (chapters 1-3), follows with discussions of postmodern theory centered around Jacques Derrida and Michel Foucault (chapters 4-6) complete with contemporary examples of uses of postmodern theory (chapters 7 & 8), and then proceeds to discuss postmodern theory's weaknesses (chapter 9-11), notably its lack of "any vision of constructive social engagement and political action" (100), and its tendency not to account for the varying perspectives people might encounter due to dimensions of difference, specifically race (chapter 10). Similarly focused on limitations and weaknesses, in chapter 11, Wilchins uses Judith Bulter's work to assert that identity-based politics, while in some ways facilitate political organizing and movement, inevitably and undesirably create margins and practice exclusion. The final chapter chronicling GenderPAC's founding and continue development and growth are offered by Wilchins as an example of theory being put into action.

Wilchins' purpose is to bridge queer theory and human rights activism in order to instill in academics the necessity of putting theory into action, and perhaps more importantly, to offer those unfamiliar with queer theory access to the possibilities such theorizing has opened up and makes available (as evidenced by the book's subtitle "An Instant Primer").

I was really excited when this book came out, so much so that I assigned it to an upper-level feminist theories class I was teaching. The reactions were missed. Some felt it was too abridged, and that its focus on being an "instant" primer sacrificed much needed nuance and complexity. Others really thought the book was accessible and understandable, which appealed to them. One of the biggest problems I found, though, were when students read this book and thought that afterwards then "knew it all."

I can't fault Wilchins for this, but I do think that there are ways in which the book lends itself to exactly this reading of it. A good text for a quick intro, and for folks new to the topic, but definitely only a beginning.

People are what matters

Thank goodness for a new Grey's Anatomy episode just when I needed it...

"People are what matters"

Indeed

Know When to Walk Away

Written by Don Schlitz.
( Writers Night Music.)
From "Gone Girl", 1978, CBS.

About 20 years ago, on a train bound for nowhere,
I met up with The Gambler; We were both too tired to sleep.
So we took turns a starin' through the window at the darkness.
Til' boredom overtook us and he commenced to speak.

He said: "Son, I've made a life out of readin' people's faces,
"And knowin' what their cards were, by the way they held their eyes.
"And if you don't mind my sayin', I would say you're out of aces;
"And for one taste of your whiskey, I will give you some advice."

So I handed him my bottle, and he drank down my last swallow.
Then he bummed a cigarette; then he bummed a light.
The night got deathly quiet and his face lost all expression.
He said: "If you're gonna play the game, boy, you better learn to play it right."

"'Cos ev'ry gambler knows that the secret to survival,
"Is knowin' what to throw away and knowin' what to keep.
"And ev'ry hand's a winner, just like ev'ry hand's a loser.
"And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep.

"You got to know when to hold 'em; know when to fold 'em.
"Know when to walk away; know when to run.
"You don't ever count your money while you're sittin' at the table.
"There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin' is done."

"You got to know when to hold 'em; know when to fold 'em.
"Know when to walk away; know when to run.
"You don't ever count your money while you're sittin' at the table.
"There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin' is done."

And when he finished speakin', he turned back t'ward the window.
Put out his cigarette; faded off to sleep.
And somewhere in the darkness, the gambler he broke even.
But in his final words I found an ace that I could keep.


"You got to know when to hold 'em; know when to fold 'em.
"Know when to walk away; know when to run.
"You don't ever count your money while you're sittin' at the table.
"There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin' is done."

"You got to know when to hold 'em; know when to fold 'em.
"Know when to walk away; know when to run.
"You don't ever count your money while you're sittin' at the table.
"There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin' is done."

"You got to know when to hold 'em; know when to fold 'em.
"Know when to walk away; know when to run.
"You don't ever count your money while you're sittin' at the table.
"There'll be time enough for countin' when the dealin' is done."

Even though it wasn't these lines that I initially thought of, I think it's these lines that I want to make sure to remember.

"'Cos ev'ry gambler knows that the secret to survival,
"Is knowin' what to throw away and knowin' what to keep.
"And ev'ry hand's a winner, just like ev'ry hand's a loser.
"And the best that you can hope for is to die in your sleep."

They're just what I need right now!

A Question of Identity

One of the things I try to do in my Intro to LGBT Studies course is to violate the assumptions my students have about gender. In part, I do so because it’s in these moments of violation that they best understand that despite their self-proclaimed “open-minded, liberal selves” (they enrolled in the class, after all) that they, too, still operate within systems and institutions that enforce particular (i.e., binary) gender scripts. (Admittedly, as do I.)

In general, we have good fun, and they realize that gender, and more importantly navigating the world with an attention to a true freedom of gender expression and identity, is full of complexity.

But, when I go on to talk about what pronouns are proper to use, for example, in referring to our trans authors, they still get a little flustered. They clearly want to do what’s “right,” but also want me to tell them one rule that works in all circumstances. Of course, they don’t realize that this is what they’re asking for, but when I point it out to them explicitly, they get it. They’re not always happy that there is no One Right Answer, but they at least begin to understand why this is the case.

I usually tell them that it’s best when dealing with ANYONE, trans or non-trans alike, that they ask people what pronoun they prefer to go by. (I often do this with them on the first day of class, and some are clearly excited by the question while for others it feels like such a silly question.) I share with them that I think that this is good practice all around, but that in my opinion, more of us don’t do this more often because we’re lazy, and after all, when we follow our default assumptions and use pronouns based on “traditional” categorization schemas of secondary sex characteristics, we’re often right.

If I’m successful, I get them to consider the importance of doing work like asking because it may make a world of difference to some, even if not to most.

So, you can imagine what a pleasant surprise it was for me when an advisor of mine, after looking at this blog and noticing my lack of explicit (gender) identification, took the time to ask me how I’d like to identify because she wanted to pass along my blog’s URL to the students in her “Queers and Theory” course in the most appropriate manner.

It’s too bad, really, that this extension of courtesy isn’t always extended to all.

So, how do I identity? Well, ask me, and maybe you’ll find out!

Cross-dresser or Bald, Tattooed, Boi-freak?

I got the word about a month ago that a best friend of mine from high school is going to be married in May, and wanted me in the wedding. (It was super cute…we had unsuccessfully played phone tag, and so she decided to send me a Hallmark e-card asking me to participate in the wedding, saying that she’d always imagined me as part of it. I was touched and honored, and without hesitation agreed.)

When we finally spoke on the phone, she went on about how happy she was that I was willing, and furthermore went out of her way to make clear to me that I was to be in the wedding party as is—in all my short, shaved-head, tattooed, round, brown body’s glory. (I’ll likely be the only queer and POC there.)

Last Sunday, we finally made the time to catch up in person, and did a little wedding shopping. We made our way to her nearby David’s Bridal to search out the various dresses for bridal party members. Once again, she was very clear that she didn’t expect me to wear a dress, but rather that all she cared about was that I wear something I felt comfortable in—perhaps she suggested, a top in the same color as the other bridesmaids dresses, and then some black slacks. Moreover, her fiancé said that if I wanted a tuxedo, I’d just have to let him know so that it could be reserved, and I could be fitted.

I could tell she was a bit nervous. I was nervous, too. It was a Sunday afternoon, and there were lots of fellow shoppers in the store, and none looked like genderqueer me. Her other friend that we were with, the maid of honor, said it reminded her of prom dress shopping. Never having been to prom, I didn’t quite understand, but I got her point that it was a harrowing experience.

It was a little crazy, and very tiring searching rack after rack for particular sizes of particular styles of dresses to try on. What a workout! But, it was also a little fun I’d have to admit, playing dress-up. Actually, my friend was really shocked when of my own volition I tried on one of the dresses. She definitely didn’t expect that—which is exactly one of the reasons it appeals to me.

Frankly, I don’t care what I wear to the wedding. On one hand, I’m just glad that I don’t have to come up with something all on my own. On the other hand, it’s her wedding, and what important to me is that I’m there for her.

So, will I wear a dress? Chances point that way.

A couple of friends think I should eschew the dress and go for the tux. I could easily do so, but in a way, it feels almost too easy to do so.

Really, whether I show up in a tuxedo as a cross-dresser, or in a dress that shows off my bald, tattooed brown body in the midst of a lily white sea, I know I’ll feel safe and at home because I’ll be standing with friends.

Friends are powerful stuff!

The Worst Club Ever

There's a club. The dead dad's club. And you can't be in it until you're in it.
George, I'm really sorry you had to join the club.

...

I don't know how to exist in a world where my Dad doesn't.

Yeah, that never changes.

(Cristina & George, Grey's Anatomy, "Six Days: Part 2" originally aired 18 January 2007)

I haven't been talking to anybody hardly at all about any of the stuff going on with my dad. I don't even really know how to. But here's a little Grey's wisdom that speaks volumes...

Priorities

Isn't it amazing how sometimes our priorities are SO clear, other times we just THINK they are, and sometimes we're quite clear that we KNOW WE DON'T KNOW?

Of course, regardless of these things, it is not always the case that we live our lives out accordingly--that we carry out any actions based on these.

The first several weeks of my "Introduction to Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender Studies" course, I have my students read numerous texts that detail the priorities, goals, and objectives of the field. Without fail, my students complain that these texts are "boring" and make it clear that rather than studying the field, they'd prefer to just get onto studies in the field.

I am just as unwavering, however, in my conviction as the instructor, that they need these beginnings in order to build a strong foundation for their studies to come. By semester's end they eventually come around, but certainly it is much easier to see this at the end, rather than at the beginning.

This goes for so much more than this one part in my class. I've always known that, but I'm realizing it once again--I'm sure not for the last time!

(Let's just hope that this time around the foundation I build is that much stronger than the last.)

DC Eagle

So, I've been in DC for seven years now--which is in fact, the longest that I've ever lived in one area excluding Daly City, CA where I spent my chronological childhood and adolescence. Still, there's so much of the city that I haven't experienced, despite always having had the intentions to do so. (It's my goal this year to work harder to make some of these things happen. Intentions only carry you so far without action. Besides, as the National Gay and Lesbian Task Force says in its current campaigns, "Action is Hot.")


The last Wednesday in February, however, I finally managed to make to to the DC Eagle. Specifically, the last Wednesday of each month is "Dyke Night" at the Eagle, but the crowd definitely included folks who wouldn't place themselves under that label--and I was glad for it. In fact, it was a really nice mix of folks which kind of reminded me of this place called Club Bombay in San Diego, CA that I used to like to frequent. The people were (for the most part) unpretentious, bartenders were friendly, drink deals were excellent, and the space was one that was conducive to catching up with friends, but also meeting new potential lovers. I did't stay long enough to find out if there's any kind of dancing at the Eagle, though (which I hope there is, but am not necessarily holding my breath for).

I definitely need to make my way back there...hope others will join, too.

Lenten Changes

For the first time in quite some time (if ever, I can’t quite remember), I decided this Lenten season to give something up, and following the tradition of some, to use the money I would have spent on that thing, and instead donate it.

I decided at first to give up my grande soy caramel macchiatos (which I had already downsized from a venti to a grande), in favor of grande soy lattes and cappuccinos. But, when I told a friend of mine my plan, she pointed out that in essence this only meant giving up vanilla syrup and caramel sauce. Too true. Her comments, though given in the spirit of observation, presented a challenge—to give up something whose loss I would feel more acutely. I reassessed, and decided to give up coffee (drip and espresso). Ash Wednesday started Feb 21 this year, and so far, so good. In some ways, I don’t even miss coffee (I’m not crazy, I’m still drinking tea!). Maybe I didn’t give up enough?

What I’ve really been thinking about lately, though, is the process of change…

I’ve always been the kind of person who hated any change whatsoever. Rigidity was (and still is to a big degree) my security blanket. Where I ever learned such a strategy for coping, or why I even needed it to begin with I’m still not entirely clear. But just like the turtle’s shell I feel myself within, it’s a protective armor I’ve grown to rely on.

But, you know, it’s amazing how much we can change, when we really try. And, it’s amazing how the friends we have around us can affect our desire to try. I’m not willing to go to the extent of saying that friends make us change. Only we can change ourselves. But, none of us does so in a vacuum. That’s where friends, family, and community come in.

Last May, I quit smoking. I had tried several other times before, but always slipped back into it. This last time, though, has been the longest, and from the looks of it, I’ll stay smoke-free. What changed? Well, my desire to quit had been present in different degrees for some time. Was it just that I wanted it more this last time than previous times? I don’t really think so.

It was different this last time in part because I finally found a friend who didn’t smoke, who had never smoked, and who was open about not liking my smoking. I was challenged in a way that I hadn’t been before. I knew full well that I could smoke if I still wanted to, and that I’d still remain friends with this person. But, I also knew that I respected this friend’s opinion, and that if she didn’t like me smoking, there was something about it not to like. More importantly, though, I pushed myself to find something else to fill me up other than nicotine and smoke. I found a way to achieve piece of mind and time to meditate without the aid of a cigarette burning between my fingers and blackening my lungs. In the end, what I’ve found it so much more satisfying in the long run (although it’s true, I get the urge every now and then to have “just one” smoke. What keeps me from doing it, though, is knowing that whatever pleasure I might get from it is merely temporary, and in the long run not worth it).

I guess I’m thinking about change, friends, and family because one of my good friends whom I’ve known since high school is set to get married this May, and asked me to be a part of her wedding party. She said she couldn’t imagine it without me, and frankly, neither could I. In any case, I was thinking about standing beside her as they exchanged vows, and thinking about the public and community significance of a wedding. In many of the ceremonies I’ve been to, we in the audience are asked to be witnesses to the couple’s union, and in being witnesses are charged with being responsible and accountable to the couple, as the couple becomes charged with being responsible and accountable to all us witnesses. That’s powerful stuff.

In all the talk about the fight for same-sex marriage rights I haven’t heard much talk about such things. I have heard about the need to divorce marriage as a civil right from marriage as a religious rite. I have also heard that “love” is the reason that same-sex couples should be allowed to be legally married. But what about its elements of being a social contract—one entered into by a community, and one necessarily upheld by a community?

I guess that’s the problem, when us queer folk aren’t seen as part of the “mainstream” community, and when we don’t see ourselves as part of it. I’ll fully admit, I’m guilty of this…too much self-separation/segregation.

Maybe, though, I’m headed in the right direction…(more on this later)

Jamison Green, Becoming a Visible Man

Back in December I had the fortune of attending an event that featured Jamison Green. Brought to campus by my university’s undergraduate lesbian, gay, bisexual, trans, queer, and questioning student group and entertainment events team, Green’s talk was preceded by a panel of transsexual, transgender, and genderqueer folks who generously offered their experiences and knowledges to open the discussion.

I’m ordinarily hesitant about such panels because there’s a way in which I feel they feed non-transpeople’s curiousity in too facile a manner. Don’t get me wrong, such panels definitely do much work to change people’s attitudes by showing the humanity of LGBT people. But, I guess there’s something about the project of feeling as if I have to prove my humanity to others that rankles me. Besides, too often I’ve heard people leave such events with the misconception that the panelists’ views are representative of the whole of the community (despite panelists’ very efforts to reiterate that they speak about their personal experiences). Still, the popularity of such a format cannot be overlooked. Case in point, despite that this event took place on a Friday afternoon right before finals week, the seats were filled! It’s only a shame that this couldn’t have been turned into a two- or even three-part series, because there just wasn’t enough time to hear each of the panelists’ out, and to fully hear and engage with Green.

I didn’t necessarily leave feeling as if I learned anything new that I hadn’t known before (I know, that sounds awfully egotistical, but it is my truth). I did, however, leave feeling as if others in the room were being exposed to a lot of new knowledges. Perhaps more valuable to me, however, was to witness the way in which Green and the other panelists were able to make themselves heard to the audience. They did so with a style and grace that ingratiated them to the audience without compromising their dignity or other parts of themselves. This certainly wasn’t reminiscent of the talk show freak hour, but rather an open, honest, educational, and challenging conversation. If we could only spend all our afternoons similarly engaged!

In any case, though I had own Jamison Green’s book, Becoming a Visible Man, for quite some time prior to this event, I hadn’t done more than quickly glance through it. After seeing him speak in person, however, I finally made my way through the book more thoroughly and methodically. And I’m so glad I did!


Green, Jamison. Becoming a Visible Man. Nashville: Vanderbilt University Press, 2004

Jamison Green’s book Becoming a Visible Man is easily among my current top choices of trans-related texts. Not only does Green give readers pieces of his own personal experiences (following the trend of many other trans texts), but he also offers accessible, educational, and nuanced arguments around trans issues. In this way, Becoming a Visible Man is not only the story of Green’s own personal becoming, but also, and perhaps more importantly, the story of the structures, institutions, and other forces that circumscribe, shape, and color all our becomings. In this vein, I’m confident that this book would appeal to transpeople and non-transpeople alike, both those with none or very little knowledge of trans issues, as well as those with much experience in this area.

While I haven’t had the fortune (yet) to be familiar with Green’s writings in the FTM Newsletter, I have no doubt that he provided much help and wisdom to its breadth of readers. His writing is balanced and aware of its biases, always mindful of questioning the existing structures of power, and responsible to those with whom he seems himself in community and alliance. By no means does this mean that Green attempts to speak for or about all transpeople or all transmen, or that he understands all transpeople or their experiences to be the same. Rather, Green is quite adamant about the differences between and among transpeople, at the same time that he is clear that we must come together in all our differences to effect true social change. And to his credit, through this all, his author’s voice is calm and poetic; a great combination indeed of form and context!

I really could go on at length about the merits of this text…there isn’t one thing I didn’t like or find useful in its 231 pages. But, I’ll settle for highlighting some of my most favorite passages:

(68) “I realized that if I could live in a way that declared my own self-acceptance—that is, not to broadcast my history every minute of the day, but to speak up honestly when it was appropriate, not necessarily with anger or even impatience, but with the compassion that I was finding within myself, to dispel myths and stereotypes that people cling to about us—that it would show others they could do it, too. Together we could change the conditions that generated our fears.”

(78) “Politics is the art of negotiation among divergent goals, and cooperation is difficult when people are unaware of their motives or goals, or unable or unwilling to reveal them.”

(89) “Being a transsexual is not something we do in the privacy of our own bedrooms; it affects every aspect of our lives, from our driver’s licenses to our work histories, from our birth certificates to our school transcripts to our parents’ wills, and every relationship represented by those paper trails.”

(127) “For some people, the consequences of a transperson’s assertion of his or her identity are simply too frightening because it threatens their own position within a particular community of ideology or faith.”

(128) “My brother was not exactly disapproving of my sexual orientation, nor was he resentful of my ability to pitch in with his friends on construction projects or to manage home electrical problems, but he was much more comfortable when he didn’t have to explain me anymore. This is not a reason to transition, as far as I’m concerned, but is a fact that an appearance of conformity with normative gender behavior does cause less social friction, a fact that every child has had drummed into her or him from earliest consciousness.

(177) “The extent to which we convey the truth of our experience is the extent to which any audience will receive us, yet so long as other people control the forum, or so long as the analyzing or commenting voices are not informed by direct experience of us, we are still vulnerable to being treated with nothing more enlightened than prejudice.”

(180) “Social conventions and institutions support individual prejudice against the rights of transsexual people, adding to the burden of secrecy. These conventions persist because no one has tried, until very recently, to correct them.”

(191) “Gender is a private matter that we share with others; and when we share it, it becomes a social construction, thus it requires, like language, a ‘speaker’ and a ‘listener.’ It is between the two of these actors that gender is defined, negotiated, corroborated, or challenged…But if we don’t speak a language that others understand, then it can be a source of difficulty, even conflict, if we find ourselves in an intolerant environment.”

(210) “If we are concerned that others will perceive our physical differences as laughable deficiencies, the answer is not to dehumanize and desensitize ourselves so we can manage rejection, but to sensitize others to appreciate us, and to learn to manage our own self-doubts so that others will be able to see worthy partners in us.”