Be Thermostats NOT Thermometers

As I've said in an earlier post about my visit to Atlanta, one of the places I visited was The Martin Luther King, Jr. Center For Nonviolent Social Change, Inc. (The King Center)

Wanting to exercise my class privilege for the good of The King Center, I visited the Gift Shop/Book Store. All around the King Center, the powerful words of Rev. Martin Luther King, Jr. were present, through his own voice as tapes of his speeches played, but also as words on pages--tangible, explicit, bold... The Book Store offered an array of books, videos, posters, and postcards featuring these words.

One of the postcards that I was drawn to was this one:



I hadn't ever heard this quotation before, but its emphasis on ACTIVE TRANSFORMATION instead of PASSIVE WITNESSING is one I want to take to heart.

Thermostats NOT Thermometers!

Peace Be With You - Shalom

April has been quite a busy month.

On campus, we've been celebrating Asian Pacific American Heritage Month as well as Pride Days.

There's so many events I've attended that I want to write about when I have more time.

In the mean time, though, I wanted to make sure that I remembered something from tonight's liturgy..."Peace be with you" isn't just about wishing peace for another, but a wish that all good things possible may be with people.

Hope and Patience

As I was reminded this evening, getting back to basics on Easter means having Hope (and Patience).

So, this is my life.

Ever since I finished reading Stephen Chbosky's novel The Perks of Being a Wallflower over the weekend, I've been trying to figure out what I think about it...

There are so many ways in which is seems such an unassuming novel...despite its brightly colored cover, what dominates is neither the cover picture, nor the print of the title and author, but rather "empty" space. While at 213 pages, it isn't the thinnest of novels, its 5" x 7" dimensions make it feel like a pocket-sized book.

Actually, I think these things I feel about the book as a material product mirror my reaction to the book--something I want to hold close (in secret?).

Presented through a series of letters to "Dear Friend" from "Love always, Charlie" the stories and lives of Chbosky's characters unfold piece by piece. At times the letters read very much like diary entries, giving the readers a feeling of gaining "insider" knowledge. The main character, Charlie, seems to promise as much when in the opening of the book he writes, "So, this is my life" (2).

In many ways this book is very much about the search for acceptance, and a place of belonging. When the novel opens Charlie is just about to start high school. While it is clear that he wants to find a sympathetic ear to listen and understand him ["I just need to know that someone out there listens and understands and doesn't try to sleep with people even if they could have. I need to know that these people exist" (2)] at the same time he doesn't want to be found by the "Friend" to whom he writes.

It's the writing itself and the sending of the letter out into the world that seems to matter most. There is never a reply from "Friend," just the hope/promise that Charlie's letters are being read...by "Friend," as well as by us as readers. In this way, Chbosky manages to make intimate not only Charlie's relationship with the unnamed, stranger, who is "Dear Friend," but also our relationship as readers with Charlie. It's this intimacy that captivated me as a reader.

I love the notion that it's writing the letters that matters most. It partially represents how I feel about blogging...while replies/comments are always nice, I blog to speak out, hopefully to be heard, but definitely not with the assumption or expectation of being replied to.

Besides, I've been writing letters (okay, e-mails actually) of my own lately...to someone I hope is a "friend," but who is a new person in my life that ze is a stranger in many ways. I wrote those letters because I was compelled to--I could no longer keep my tongue tamed, and had to get my feelings out. While I did eventually feel relief at having sent my letters, it was also often the case that after that momentary feeling of relief I also felt anxious about hir potential replies.

I had forgotten that what mattered was the writing of the letters in the first place, and of my sharing them with another. I had forgotten that I can't control others, and especially not their replies and reactions to me. Chbosky's novel has gently reminded me to be grateful and appreciate what I get from writing and sharing in and of themselves.

In this manner, Chbosky's novel elicits for me very much the same feelings as PostSecret does. We all hope that we're listened to, but it's in the sharing that we'll ultimately find healing.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

I spent my weekend devouring Stephen Chbosky's book in two sittings. I was initially compelled to pick up The Perks of Being a Wallflower based solely on seeing it listed among people's "favorite books" in their (blog and other) profiles. Having read it so fast, my thoughts on it are swimming in my mind. I don't think that I'm ready to formulate any kind of comprehensive review of it yet, or even to just share what I generally thought of it...

(I actually think this ultimately bodes well for the book because clearly it's complex enough that I can't just simply summarize it here in a sentence, and instead need to spend time digesting it. In addition, it's interesting enough to have captured my attentions and energies to take the time to think about it.)

In the mean time, however, I did want to offer this quotation I found striking:

It's great that you can listen and be a shoulder to someone, but what about when someone doesn't need a shoulder. What if they need the arms or something like that? You can't just sit there and put everybody's lives ahead of yours and think that counts as love. You just can't. You have to do things.

(Stephen Chbosky The Perks of Being a Wallflower p.200)

Don't Fuck Anyone You Wouldn't Want to Be (Kate Bornstein--3rd and 4th times are the charm)

It's been a BIG week--on Tuesday Leslie Feinberg spoke on my campus (more on Feinberg later) AND the women's basketball team won the NCAA Championship (more on basketball later). As if that wasn't enough for one week, then I got to see Kate Bornstein perform "Gender Outlaw" Thursday, and "Kate Bornstein is a Queer and Pleasant Danger" Friday.

"Don't Fuck Anyone You Wouldn't Want to Be" is just one gem that Bornstein offered those of us in the audience.

While "Gender Outlaw" largely consisted of what now seems "standard fare" for a Bornstein performance, "Kate Bornstein is a Queer and Pleasant Danger" was anything but that. I must note, however, that although Thursday's performance of "Gender Outlaw" mirrored much of the performance I last saw Bornstein give, ze did include some new material from her soon-to-be-released (June 2006) book, Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives to Suicide for Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws.

"Kate Bornstein is a Queer and Pleasant Danger" is scheduled to open in New York in June 2007, with the simultaneous publishing of Bornstein's memoir with the same title. This piece is about Bornstein's father, as well as about Bornstein being a father. A powerful piece full of vivid scenes from throughout Bornstein's life, the stories told reveal Bornstein to a greater depth than any of hir previous works.

I started this post because I wanted to reflect on Bornstein's performances...

I wanted to remember how captivated I was by the opening of "Kate Bornstein is a Queer and Pleasant Danger" where Bornstein describes cutting a heart over hir heart--the initial sting of the blade as it first breaks skin, the warmth as the blade glides over you, the blood that follows the blade, the release in bleeding...

As a cutter I could feel every move of the blade as ze described it, along with the release, too. And this was just the beginning of the show!

I wanted, also, to remember "Don't Fuck Anyone You Wouldn't Want to Be." It is just so true!

Lastly, I wanted to remember the feeling of compulsion that emanated from Bornstein's performances that at once said, these things need to be said so others can hear, and these things need to be said, even if those they're directed at don't hear (more on this later when I post about Stephen Chbosky's The Perks of Being a Wallflower).

Check out Kate Bornstein's homepage yourself.

Leslie Feinberg - San Diego to College Park

Just a week ago on March 28 Leslie Feinberg was speaking at my former school, San Diego State University, as a guest brought by my former Women's Studies department.

Here's a brief report of Feinberg's talk at SDSU.

Dr. Pat Washington's situation at SDSU has always been a difficult one for me to negotiate. I haven't (yet) ever said anything publicly about my views of the situation--largely due to fears of the consequences of taking such action. On this point, I'm disappointed in myself and the silence I keep...and I only hope that Pat and others can forgive me someday.

I will say, however, that during my time in the Master's Program at SDSU, Dr. Pat Washington, along with other Women's Studies faculty, fellow graduate students, undergraduate classmates, and other friends were very positively influential in my development as a scholar and person. I look back at my time at SDSU with much nostalgia, while simultaneously not forgetting all the trials and tribulations I faced there, too.

In any case, Leslie Feinberg, this week--TODAY--is coming to my current campus, the University of Maryland. I'm really excited to hear hir talk, and only hope that ze's not overshadowed by our women's basketball team's appearance in their first ever National Championship game.

I'm so excited for our basketball team--they've worked hard and gotten themselves into the NCAA finals. (A bunch of us graduate students in WMST are especially pulling for them, having had a bunch of the players as students. Go TERPS!) Whatever the score is at the end of tonight's game against Duke, I hope they see themselves as the winners they already are.

I can't think of a better evening...first Feinberg, and then the NCAA finals!

Walking About Atlanta

While in Atlanta I took an afternoon to wander around and explore the city.

My first stop was The Martin Luther King, Jr. Center For Nonviolent Social Change, Inc. (The King Center).

By the time I took MARTA from Buckhead to King Memorial I didn't have much time before The King Center closed. Some time was definitely better than none at all, though. I think my favorite part of the visit was watching all the other people who were also visiting/touring The King Center. It was a different experience than visiting the Smithsonian Museums--dominated by personal connections, stories, reactions, and most of all deep respect and reverence.

My second stop was Inman Park/Reynoldstown where I wandered along Euclid and then Moreland Avenues until I came to the Little Five Points (L5P) area and found Charis Books and More: Your Independent Feminist Bookstore.

Charis reminded me of a similar bookstore I used to frequent in my undergraduate days--Different Drummer Books (Loretta Staub, owner), an "alternative Orange County" bookstore that specialized in Women's Studies, Lesbian & Gay Studies, Spirituality, Healing, Special & Mail Order books. They were located (they've long been closed) on North Coast Highway in Laguna Beach, CA. I used to ride my bike from the university to Different Drummer, pick up some new books, and then go read on the beach. It was an ideal weekend outing.

Even when I first moved to Washington, DC, there was a comparable bookstore--Lammas Women's Books and More (Sylvia A. Colon, co-owner). It wasn't long after, though, that Lammas closed down. Before that happened, though, I did get to watch Debra Guy perform a rooftop concert--fun.

But back to Charis...the staff person was super friendly, and I loved just hanging out there browsing their shelves. There weren't lots of customers coming and going on that Friday afternoon, but there was a good handful, and I got to overhear lots of fun discussions about queer places to hang out, and good places to eat. It felt good just being there.

Of course, wanting to economically support Charis, I was on a mission to find something to purchase. I was looking for David Levithan's novel Boy Meets Boy, but although they had other YA gay fiction, Levithan's novel wasn't among them. So, instead I walked away with Leslie Feinberg's new novel, Drag King Dreams and an AWESOME CD by Brianna Lane, Radiator.

I haven't been able to stop listening to Radiator yet (track 4 "Dreams & Nightmares" and track 7 "Wrong Hands" are my favorites)...and I might just have the chance to check out Lane in person next weekend while she's in MD. We'll have to see...Kate Bornstein's re-scheduled shows are this week, too (not to mention my university is bringing Leslie Feinberg on campus in a couple of days) so it's a FULL week.

Thank goodness for independent and feminist bookstores!

If you want to shop at Charis, you can order online & take 10% off!

Hurt and Hopes of Sticky Rice

On my way back from Atlanta and AAAS last week, I was talking to a friend on the phone when she said something that struck a nerve (in a bad way) with me.

We were talking about the girlfriend/partner of a mutual friend of ours who I've never met, and I expressed my desire and hope that I get to meet her soon. Not only is she very clearly an important person in my friend's life, but she's a queer pinay to boot. To this, though, the friend I was talking to related that they had discussed our meeting, and thought that either such a meeting would result in one of two outcomes--we'd be fast friends, or we'd be bitter enemies. (Okay, so she didn't word it as strongly as I just did here, but this is the sentiment of her statement that I understood.) Then, "jokingly" she said that what they did know was that if I and the queer pinay partner were to fight, I'd get my "ass kicked."

Okay, so I've already admitted that I lack in the sense of humor department. I know it's a shortcoming, and that I do tend to take things "too seriously," "too literally," and "too personally."

Still, I was really bothered by this whole conversation. On one hand, I don't think anybody would like to here that their friends think of them getting their ass kicked. But more importantly, I was really HURT that their thinking about the two of us meeting left space for any potential acrimony. I mean, I know all queers don't necessarily get along because they're queer. But, we're clearly people that they value as friends, and it was a hard pill to swallow that they'd think that our concern and love for them wouldn't also translate to each other.

I guess I do assume, though, that a person a friend of mine cares deeply about and sees as valuable is someone I would also care deeply about and value. I mean, I know that some folks have separate circles of friends that they don't, and wouldn't want to, mix...I've just never felt that way myself, and find it difficult to imagine. In this case, the cut was especially deep because I haven't gotten to spend a lot of time with other queer filipinos...hardly any at all, really.

So, when this thing about us not liking each other and me getting my ass kicked came up, I went reeling. I think it's also partly due to the timing...earlier in the day on the same AAAS panel that I presented at, Chong-suk Han (Temple University/University of Washington) gave a talk where he was talking about the anti-sticky rice environment that has been set up in the U.S. This felt like just another example of maintaining anti-sticky rice environs (okay, so I'm taking the "sticky rice" concept from an explicit context of dating to friendship here, but you get the point).

It's been over a week, and at first I thought I was angry--angry about what was said. I definitely didn't appreciate the comment, and felt wronged. I realize now that while I might have been angered in the moment, what's lingered with me is the hurt...

I think I really wanted to be given more credit that the partner of a friend I cherish would know that I would also cherish who she loves. Then again, as I was reminded the other night, things like this aren't always about me--they're often about the person speaking. In yet another "sign," at church today I was reminded that what I need to focus on is not "sin," but rather "love."

I'm working on letting it go...this is my start.

Boy meets Boy

I took some time this week to revisit David Levithan's novel Boy Meets Boy, and found it just as touching as when I first read it.

I couldn't tell you any one thing, though, that draws me so strongly to this story...mostly because it's not just one thing, but so many things.

The main character, Paul, is likable enough, and I love that Levithan surrounds him with so many people--friends of all sorts. It's these relationships, these friendships with all their dramas, annoyances, loves, and loyalties that make the cast of characters as a whole a great ensemble.

(I'm reminded of The Brat Pack. While I certainly enjoyed St. Elmo's Fire, The Breakfast Club, Sixteen Candles, and Pretty in Pink, it's the non-brat pack movie Some Kind of Wonderful that I claim among my favorites.)

Of course, my heart strings get pulled watching the relationship between Paul and Noah unfold and develop.

"Noah. The Boy. The one who changes everything" (from the back cover).

Half the time I want to meet a Noah of my own, while the other half I want to be Noah...I want to find someone who wants to paint music together...

Then there's Paul's relationship with Kyle, his ex-boyfriend. The strength of care, concern, and love between the two of them after their break up as they try to find a ground of friendship to stand on feels like a roller coaster at times, but one who's twists, turns, highs, and falls are so familiar that they're at once terrifying and comforting.

Ahh...but we must also mention Tony here, who's love for friends and family goes beyond any metaphor of depth could adequately depict...